Menaechmi – Interlinear Latin-English Comedy (Part 2)

ACT II 

II.i 

226 Voluptas nullast navitis, Messenio, 

There’s no greater joy for sailors, Messenio, 

227 maior meo animo, quam quom ex alto procul 

Greater in my mind, than when from the deep sea, far off, 

228 terram conspiciunt. MESSENIO Maior, non dicam dolo, 

They catch sight of land. MESSENIO. Greater—I won’t deny it— 

229 [quam] si adveniens terram videas quae fuerit tua. 

Than if, arriving, you saw land that once was yours. 

230 sed quaeso, quam ob rem nunc Epidamnum venimus? 

But please, why have we come to Epidamnus now? 

231 an quasi mare omnis circumimus insulas? 

Or are we just sailing round every island like it’s all the same sea? 

232 MEN. Fratrem quaesitum geminum germanum meum. 

MEN. To search for my twin brother. 

233 MESS. Nam quid modi futurum est illum quaerere? 

MESS. But what’s the point of still searching for him? 

234 hic annus sextust postquam ei rei operam damus. 

This is the sixth year we’ve been at it. 

235 Histros, Hispanos, Massiliensis, Hilurios, 

The Histrians, Spaniards, Massilians, Illyrians, 

236 mare superum omne Graeciamque exoticam 

All the upper sea and strange Greece, 

237 orasque Italicas omnis, qua adgreditur mare, 

And all the Italian coasts touched by the sea, 

238 sumus circumvecti. si acum, credo, quaereres, 

We’ve sailed all round. If it were a needle you were looking for, 

239 acum invenisses, si appareret, iam diu. 

You’d have found it—if it were visible—long ago. 

240 hominem inter vivos quaeritamus mortuom; 

We’re looking for a dead man among the living; 

241 nam invenissemus iam diu, si viveret. 

We’d have found him long ago, if he were alive. 

242 MEN. Ergo istuc quaero certum qui faciat mihi, 

MEN. So I’m looking for someone who can make that certain for me, 

243 qui sese dicat scire eum esse emortuom: 

Who says he knows the man is dead: 

244 operam praeterea numquam sumam quaerere. 

Beyond that, I’ll never keep searching. 

245 verum aliter vivos numquam desistam exsequi. 

But otherwise, I’ll never stop tracking him while he lives. 

246 ego illum scio quam cordi sit carus meo. 

I know how dear he is to my heart.

247 MESS. In scirpo nodum quaeris. quin nos hinc domum 

MESS. You're looking for a knot in a bulrush. Why don’t we just go home from here, 

248 redimus, nisi si historiam scripturi sumus? 

Unless we’re planning to write a history? 

249 MEN. Dictum facessas, datum edis, caveas malo. 

MEN. Do what you're told, eat what you're given, and beware of trouble. 

250 molestus ne sis, non tuo hoc fiet modo. MESS. Em 

Don’t be a nuisance—this won’t go your way. MESS. Indeed, 

251 illoc enim verbo esse me servom scio. 

That word reminds me I’m a slave. 

252 non potuit paucis plura plane proloqui. 

He couldn’t have said more in fewer words. 

253 verum tamen nequeo contineri quin loquar. 

But even so, I can’t keep from speaking. 

254 audin, Menaechme? quom inspicio marsuppium, 

Do you hear, Menaechmus? When I look at the purse, 

255 viaticati hercle admodum aestive sumus. 

By Hercules, we’re traveling on summer rations! 

256 ne tu hercle, opinor, nisi domum revorteris, 

By Hercules, unless you go back home, I think, 

257 ubi nihil habebis, geminum dum quaeres, gemes. 

You’ll have nothing left—and groan while searching for your twin. 

258 nam ita est haec hominum natio: in Epidamnieis 

For this nation of men here—the Epidamnians— 

259 voluptarii atque potatores maxumi; 

Are the greatest pleasure-seekers and drinkers alive. 

260 tum sycophantae et palpatores plurumi 

And then sycophants and flatterers in huge numbers 

261 in urbe hac habitant; tum meretrices mulieres 

Live in this city; and the courtesans here— 

262 nusquam perhibentur blandiores gentium. 

Are said to be the most charming in the world. 

263 propterea huic urbi nomen Epidamno inditumst, 

That’s why this city’s called Epidamnus, 

264 quia nemo ferme huc sine damno devortitur. 

Because hardly anyone comes here without losing something. 

265 MEN. Ego istuc cavebo. cedo dum huc mihi marsuppium. 

MEN. I’ll beware of that. Now hand me the purse. 

266 MESS. Quid eo vis? MEN. Iam aps te metuo de verbis tuis. 

MESS. What do you want with it? MEN. I already fear you, from your words. 

267 MESS. Quid metuis? MEN. Ne mihi damnum in Epidamno duis. 

MESS. What do you fear? MEN. That you’ll make me lose something in Epidamnus. 

268 tu magnus amator mulierum es, Messenio, 

You’re a great woman-chaser, Messenio, 

269 ego autem homo iracundus, animi perditi; 

And I’m hot-tempered, a man with a short fuse; 

270 id utrumque, argentum quando habebo, cavero, 

With the money in my hands, I’ll guard against both— 

271 ne tu delinquas neve ego irascar tibi. 

So you don’t misbehave and I don’t get angry with you. 

272 MESS. Cape atque serva. me lubente feceris. 

MESS. Take it and guard it. You’ll be doing so with my blessing.

II.ii 

273 CYLINDRVS. Bene opsonavi atque ex mea sententia, 

CYLINDRUS. I’ve shopped well, and just as I wanted, 

274 bonum anteponam prandium pransoribus. 

I’ll serve a fine lunch to the diners. 

275 sed eccum Menaechmum video. vae tergo meo, 

But look—there’s Menaechmus. Woe to my back, 

276 prius iam convivae ambulant ante ostium, 

The guests are already walking before the door, 

277 quam ego opsonatu redeo. adibo atque alloquar. 

Before I’ve even come back from shopping. I’ll go speak to him. 

278 Menaechme, salve. MEN. Di te amabunt quisquis es. 

Menaechmus, greetings. MEN. May the gods bless you, whoever you are. 

279 CYL. Quisquis ego sim? 

CYL. “Whoever I am”?

280 MEN. Non hercle vero. CYL. Ubi convivae ceteri? 

MEN. No, by Hercules, truly. CYL. Where are the other guests? 

281 MEN. Quos tu convivas quaeris? CYL. Parasitum tuom. 

MEN. What guests are you looking for? CYL. Your parasite. 

282 MEN. Meum parasitum? certe hic insanust homo. 

MEN. My parasite? This man is definitely mad. 

283 MESS. Dixin tibi esse hic sycophantas plurumos? 

MESS. Didn’t I tell you there are loads of con men here? 

284 MEN. Quem tu parasitum quaeris, adulescens, meum? 

MEN. Which parasite of mine are you asking about, young man? 

285 MESS. Peniculum eccum in vidulo salvom fero. 

MESS. Here’s Peniculus—I'm carrying him safe in my bag. 

286 CYL. Menaechme, numero huc advenis ad prandium. 

CYL. Menaechmus, you're right on time for lunch. 

287 nunc opsonatu redeo. MEN. Responde mihi, 

I've just come back from shopping. MEN. Answer me, 

288 adulescens: quibus hic pretiis porci veneunt 

Young man: at what price are pigs sold here, 

289 sacres sinceri? CYL. Nummis. MEN. Nummum a me accipe: 

Pure, sacrificial pigs? CYL. For coins. MEN. Take a coin from me: 

290 iube te piari de mea pecunia. 

Use it to purify yourself at my expense. 

291 nam equidem insanum esse te certo scio, 

Because I certainly know you’re insane, 

292 qui mihi molestu's homini ignoto, quisquis es. 

Since you’re pestering a man who doesn’t know you—whoever you are. 

293 CYL. Cylindrus ego sum: non nosti nomen meum? 

CYL. I’m Cylindrus. Don’t you know my name? 

294 MEN. Si tu Cylindrus seu Coriendrus, perieris. 

MEN. Whether you’re Cylindrus or Coriendrus, you can go hang. 

295 ego te non novi, neque novisse adeo volo. 

I don’t know you, and don’t want to know you either. 

296 CYL. Est tibi Menaechmo nomen, tantum quod sciam. 

CYL. Your name is Menaechmus, so far as I know. 

297 MEN. Pro sano loqueris quom me appellas nomine. 

MEN. You sound sane when you call me by name. 

298 sed ubi novisti me? CYL. Ubi ego te noverim, 

But where did you get to know me? CYL. Where did I know you? 

299 qui amicam habes eram meam hanc Erotium? 

You have this Erotium, my mistress, as your lover. 

300 MEN. Neque hercle ego habeo, neque te quis homo sis scio. 

MEN. By Hercules, I don’t have her—and I’ve no idea who you are. 

301 CYL. Non scis quis ego sim, qui tibi saepissime 

CYL. You don’t know me—me, who most often 

302 cyathisso apud nos, quando potas? MESS. Ei mihi, 

Pours your drinks at our place when you’re drinking? MESS. Woe is me, 

303 quom nihil est qui illi homini diminuam caput. 

That I’ve nothing on hand to crack this man’s skull with. 

304 MEN. Tun cyathissare mihi soles, qui ante hunc diem 

MEN. You pour drinks for me—me, who never before this day 

305 Epidamnum numquam vidi neque veni? CYL. Negas? 

Had seen or come to Epidamnus? CYL. You deny it? 

306 MEN. Nego hercle vero. CYL. Non tu in illisce aedibus 

MEN. I deny it, by Hercules. CYL. Don’t you live in that house 

307 habitas? MEN. Di illos homines, qui illic habitant, perduint. 

There? MEN. May the gods destroy the lot who live there. 

308 CYL. Insanit hic quidem, qui ipse male dicit sibi. 

CYL. He’s mad for sure—he just cursed himself. 

309 audin, Menaechme? MEN. Quid vis? CYL. Si me consulas, 

Hear me, Menaechmus? MEN. What do you want? CYL. If you take my advice, 

310 nummum illum quem mihi dudum pollicitu's dare— 

That coin you promised me a while ago— 

311 nam tu quidem hercle certo non sanu's satis, 

For by Hercules you’re certainly not all there, 

312 Menaechme, qui nunc ipsus male dicas tibi— 

Menaechmus, when you’re now speaking curses on yourself— 

313 iubeas, si sapias, porculum adferri tibi. 

You’d better, if you’re wise, order a pig to be brought to you. 

314 MESS. Eu hercle hominem multum, et odiosum mihi. 

MESS. Wow, by Hercules, what a pest of a man.

315 CYL. Solet iocari saepe mecum illoc modo. 

CYL. He often jokes with me in that way. 

316 quam vis ridiculus est, ubi uxor non adest. 

However ridiculous he is—when his wife’s not around. 

317 quid ais tu? MEN. Quid vis, inquam. CYL. Satin hoc quod vides 

What do you say? MEN. I said, what do you want? CYL. Is what you see here 

318 tribus vobis opsonatumst, an opsono amplius, 

Enough for three, or should I buy more provisions, 

319 tibi et parasito et mulieri? MEN. Quas [tu] mulieres, 

For you, the parasite, and the woman? MEN. What women, 

320 quos tu parasitos loquere? MESS. Quod te urget scelus, 

What parasites are you talking about? MESS. What madness drives you 

321 qui huic sis molestus? CYL. Quid tibi mecum est rei? 

To bother this man? CYL. What business do you have with me? 

322 ego te non novi: cum hoc quem novi fabulor. 

I don’t know you; I’m talking to the man I do know. 

323 MESS. Non edepol tu homo sanus es, certo scio. 

MESS. By Pollux, you’re not sane, that I know for sure. 

324 CYL. Iam ergo haec madebunt faxo, nil morabitur. 

CYL. Then I’ll make sure these things get drenched—nothing will stop me. 

325 proin tu ne quo abeas longius ab aedibus. 

So don’t go too far from the house. 

326 numquid vis? MEN. Vt eas maximam malam crucem. 

Anything else? MEN. Go hang yourself on the worst of crosses. 

327 CYL. Ire hercle meliust te interim atque accumbere, 

CYL. By Hercules, it’d be better if you went inside and reclined, 

328 dum ego haec appono ad Volcani violentiam. 

While I set these things before Vulcan’s violence. 

329 ibo intro et dicam te hic adstare Erotio, 

I’ll go inside and tell Erotium that you’re out here, 

330 ut te hinc abducat potius quam hic adstes foris. 

So she’ll lead you away instead of letting you stand around outside. 

331 MEN. Iamne abiit illic? edepol haud mendacia 

MEN. Has he gone now? By Pollux, that wasn’t a lie 

332 tua verba experior esse. MESS. Observato modo: 

I find your words to be. MESS. Just keep watch: 

333 nam istic meretricem credo habitare mulierem, 

I think a courtesan lives in there, 

334 ut quidem ille insanus dixit, qui hinc abiit modo. 

Just as that madman who left said. 

335 MEN. Sed miror qui ille noverit nomen meum. 

MEN. But I’m amazed how he knew my name. 

336 MESS. Minime hercle mirum. morem hunc meretrices habent: 

MESS. Not surprising at all, by Hercules. That’s the courtesans’ habit: 

337 ad portum mittunt servolos, ancillulas; 

They send little slaves, handmaids, to the harbor; 

338 si quae peregrina navis in portum advenit, 

If a foreign ship comes into port, 

339 rogitant cuiatis sit, quid ei nomen siet, 

They ask where he's from, what his name is, 

340 postilla extemplo se applicant, agglutinant: 

Then straightaway they latch on, they glue themselves to him: 

341 si pellexerunt, perditum amittunt domum. 

If they seduce him, they send him home ruined. 

342 nunc in istoc portu stat navis praedatoria, 

Now there’s a pirate ship anchored in that port, 

343 aps qua cavendum nobis sane censeo. 

And I say we’d better beware of it. 

344 MEN. Mones quidem hercle recte. MESS. Tum demum sciam 

MEN. By Hercules, you give good advice. MESS. Then I’ll know 

345 recte monuisse, si tu recte caveris. 

It was good advice—if you actually take it. 

346 MEN. Tace dum parumper, nam concrepuit ostium: 

MEN. Quiet a moment—someone’s creaking the door: 

347 videamus qui hinc egreditur. MESS. Hoc ponam interim. 

Let’s see who’s coming out. MESS. I’ll set this down for now. 

348 asservatote haec sultis, navales pedes. 

Watch over this, sailors’ feet.

II.iii 

351 EROTIUM. Sine fores sic, abi, nolo operiri. 

EROTIUM. Leave the doors as they are, go—I don’t want them shut. 

352 intus para, cura, vide, quod opust fiat: 

Inside, prepare, take care, see that what’s needed gets done: 

353 sternite lectos, incendite odores; munditia 

Lay out the couches, light the incense; cleanliness 

354 inlecebra animost amantium. 

Is the bait that snares lovers’ hearts. 

355 amanti amoenitas malost, nobis lucrost.  

Pleasure is a curse for the lover, profit for us. 

356 sed ubi ille est, quem coquos ante aedis esse ait? atque eccum video, 

But where’s the one the cook said was out front? Ah—there I see him, 

357 qui mi est usui et plurimum prodest. 

The one who’s useful to me and brings the most profit. 

358 item hinc ultro fit, ut meret, potissimus nostrae domi ut sit; 

And he, for his part, earns it—being the most favored guest in our home. 

359 nunc eum adibo, adloquar ultro. 

Now I’ll go up and speak to him myself. 

360 animule mi, mihi mira videntur, 

My darling, this seems strange to me, 

361 te hic stare foris, fores quoi pateant, 

That you’re standing outside, though the door is open for you, 

362 magis quam domus tua domus quom haec tua sit. 

As if this house weren’t your own, when it is. 

363 omne paratumst, ut iussisti 

Everything is ready, as you ordered 

364 atque ut voluisti, neque tibi 

And just as you wished—there’s 

365 ulla morast intus. 

No delay for you inside. 

366 prandium, ut iussisti, hic curatumst: 

Lunch, as you ordered, has been arranged here: 

367 ubi lubet, ire licet accubitum. 

Go recline whenever you please. 

368 M. Quicum haec mulier loquitur? E. Equidem tecum. M. Quid mecum tibi 

M. Who is this woman talking to? E. Why, to you. M. What business 

369 fuit umquam aut nunc est negoti? ER. Quia pol te unum ex omnibus 

Have you ever had, or now have, with me? ER. Because, by Pollux, out of all men, 

370 Venus me voluit magnificare, neque id haud immerito tuo. 

Venus chose to honor you—and not without good reason. 

371 nam ecastor solus benefactis tuis me florentem facis. 

By Castor, you alone enrich me with your generosity. 

372 MEN. Certo haec mulier aut insana aut ebria est, Messenio, 

MEN. This woman is certainly either mad or drunk, Messenio, 

373 quae hominem ignotum compellet me tam familiariter. 

To be addressing a stranger like me so intimately. 

374 MESS. Dixin ego istaec hic solere fieri? folia nunc cadunt, 

MESS. Didn’t I say this sort of thing always happens here? These are just leaves falling now, 

375 praeut si triduom hoc hic erimus: tum arbores in te cadent. 

Wait till we’ve been here three days—then the whole tree will fall on you. 

376 nam ita sunt hic meretrices: omnes elecebrae argentariae. 

That’s how the courtesans are here: all baited traps for your cash. 

377 sed sine me dum hanc compellare. heus mulier, tibi dico. ER. Quid est? 

But let me talk to her a second. Hey woman—I’m speaking to you. ER. What is it? 

378 MESS. Vbi tu hunc hominem novisti? ER. Ibidem ubi hic me iam diu, 

MESS. Where did you get to know this man? ER. Same place he’s known me a long while— 

379 in Epidamno. MESS. In Epidamno? qui huc in hanc urbem pedem, 

In Epidamnus. MESS. In Epidamnus? He who never set foot in this city 

380 nisi hodie, numquam intro tetulit? ER. Heia, delicias facis. 

Before today? ER. Oh, you’re just being silly. 

381 mi Menaechme, quin, amabo, is intro? hic tibi erit rectius. 

My Menaechmus, won’t you please come inside? You’ll be better off here.

382 MEN. Haec quidem edepol recte appellat meo me mulier nomine. 

MEN. By Pollux, this woman certainly does call me by my name correctly. 

383 nimis miror, quid hoc sit negoti. MESS. Oboluit marsuppium 

I’m truly puzzled what this is about. MESS. She’s smelled the purse 

384 huic istuc quod habes. MEN. Atque edepol tu me monuisti probe. 

You’re carrying. MEN. And by Pollux, you gave me sound advice. 

385 accipe dum hoc. iam scibo, utrum haec me mage amet an marsuppium. 

Hold this for a moment. Now I’ll see whether she loves me or the purse more. 

386 ER. Eamus intro, ut prandeamus. MEN. Bene vocas: tam gratiast. 

ER. Let’s go inside to have lunch. MEN. A fine invitation: I’m grateful all the same. 

387 ER. Cur igitur me tibi iussisti coquere dudum prandium? 

ER. Then why did you just order me to cook lunch for you? 

388 MEN. Egon te iussi coquere? ER. Certo, tibi et parasito tuo. 

MEN. I told you to cook? ER. Certainly—for you and your parasite. 

389 MEN. Cui, malum, parasito? certo haec mulier non sanast satis. 

MEN. What parasite, plague take it? This woman’s definitely not in her right mind. 

390 ER. Peniculo. MEN. Quis iste est Peniculus? qui extergentur baxeae? 

ER. Peniculus. MEN. Who’s this Peniculus? The one they wipe shoes with? 

391 ER. Scilicet qui dudum tecum venit, quom pallam mihi 

ER. Obviously, the one who just came with you, when you brought me the cloak, 

392 detulisti, quam ab uxore tua surrupuisti. MEN. Quid est? 

Which you stole from your wife. MEN. What’s that? 

393 tibi pallam dedi, quam uxori meae surrupui? sanan es? 

I gave you a cloak I stole from my wife? Are you sane? 

394 certe haec mulier cantherino ritu astans somniat. 

This woman is definitely dreaming on her feet like a broken-down nag. 

395 ER. Qui lubet ludibrio habere me atque ire infitias mihi 

ER. Why do you enjoy making a fool of me and denying 

396 facta quae sunt? MEN. Dic quid est id quod negem quod fecerim? 

What actually happened? MEN. Tell me what exactly I’ve done that I’m denying? 

397 ER. Pallam te hodie mihi dedisse uxoris. MEN. Etiam nunc nego. 

ER. That you gave me your wife’s cloak today. MEN. I still deny it. 

398 ego quidem neque umquam uxorem habui neque habeo, neque huc 

I’ve never had a wife, nor do I have one, and I’ve 

399 umquam, postquam natus sum, intra portam penetravi pedem. 

Never, since I was born, set foot inside this gate. 

400 prandi in navi, inde huc sum egressus, te conveni. ER. Eccere, 

I lunched on the ship, then disembarked and met you. ER. Look, 

401 perii misera, quam tu mihi nunc navem narras? MEN. Ligneam, 

I’m ruined, poor me—what ship are you talking about? MEN. A wooden one, 

402 saepe tritam, saepe fixam, saepe excussam malleo; 

Often battered, often patched, often hammered anew; 

403 quasi supellex pellionis, palus palo proxumust. 

Like a tanner’s gear—stake next to stake. 

404 ER. Iam, amabo, desiste ludos facere atque i hac mecum semul. 

ER. Please, stop playing games and come along with me now. 

405 MEN. Nescio quem, mulier, alium hominem, non me quaeritas. 

MEN. Woman, you must be looking for someone else, not me. 

406 ER. Non ego te novi Menaechmum, Moscho prognatum patre, 

ER. Don’t I know you—Menaechmus, son of Moschus, 

407 qui Syracusis perhibere natus esse in Sicilia, 

Who is said to have been born in Syracuse, in Sicily, 

408 ubi rex Agathocles regnator fuit et iterum Phintia, 

Where King Agathocles ruled, and then Phintia, 

409 tertium Liparo, qui in morte regnum Hieroni tradidit, 

Thirdly Liparo, who passed the kingdom to Hiero at his death, 

410 nunc Hiero est? MEN. Haud falsa, mulier, praedicas. MESS. Pro Iuppiter, 

Now Hiero reigns? MEN. Woman, you’re not wrong. MESS. By Jupiter, 

411 num istaec mulier illinc venit, quae te novit tam cate? 

Has this woman come from there, who knows you so precisely?

412 MEN. Hercle opinor, pernegari non potest. MESS. Ne feceris. 

MEN. By Hercules, I think it can’t be denied. MESS. Don’t go through with it. 

413 periisti, si intrassis intra limen. MEN. Quin tu tace modo. 

You’re done for if you cross that threshold. MEN. Just be quiet now. 

414 bene res geritur. adsentabor quidquid dicet mulieri, 

Things are going well. I’ll agree with whatever the woman says, 

415 si possum hospitium nancisci. iam dudum, mulier, tibi 

If I can get lodging. Woman, a while ago I was 

416 non imprudens advorsabar: hunc metuebam, ne meae 

Opposing you deliberately: I feared this man, lest he 

417 uxori renuntiaret de palla et de prandio. 

Report to my wife about the cloak and the lunch. 

418 nunc, quando vis, eamus intro. ER. Etiam parasitum manes? 

Now, whenever you like, let’s go inside. ER. Are you still waiting for your parasite? 

419 MEN. Neque ego illum maneo, neque flocci facio, neque, si venerit, 

MEN. I’m not waiting for him, I don’t give a straw for him, and if he shows up, 

420 eum volo intromitti. ER. Ecastor haud invita fecero. 

I don’t want him let in. ER. By Castor, I’ll do that quite willingly. 

421 sed scin quid te amabo ut facias? MEN. Impera quid vis modo. 

But do you know what I’d love you to do? MEN. Just say the word. 

422 ER. Pallam illam, quam dudum dederas, ad phrygionem ut deferas, 

ER. That cloak you gave me earlier—please take it to the embroiderer, 

423 ut reconcinnetur atque ut opera addantur quae volo. 

To have it mended and to add the decorations I want. 

424 MEN. Hercle qui tu recte dicis: eadem ignorabitur, 

MEN. By Hercules, you’re quite right: no one will recognize it, 

425 ne uxor cognoscat te habere, si in via conspexerit. 

So my wife won’t know you have it, if she sees you on the street. 

426 ER. Ergo mox auferto tecum, quando abibis. MEN. Maxime. 

ER. Then take it with you soon, when you leave. MEN. Absolutely. 

427 ER. Eamus intro MEN. Iam sequar te. hunc volo etiam conloqui. 

ER. Let’s go inside. MEN. I’ll follow right away. I want a word with this man first. 

428 eho Messenio, accede huc. MESS. Quid negoti est? MEN. Suspicionem. 

Hey Messenio, come here. MESS. What’s going on? MEN. I’m suspicious. 

429 MESS. Quid eo opust? MEN. Opus est. scio ut me dices. MESS. Tanto nequior. 

MESS. What’s the need for that? MEN. There is a need. I know what you’ll say about me. MESS. All the worse for it. 

441 MEN. Habeo praedam: tantum incepi operis. ei quantum potes, 

MEN. I’ve got the loot—I’ve only just begun the work. Now go as fast as you can, 

442 abduc istos in tabernam actutum devorsoriam. 

Take those people straight away to a nearby inn. 

443 tum facito ante solem occasum ut venias advorsum mihi. 

Then make sure you come meet me before sundown. 

444 MESS. Non tu istas meretrices novisti, ere. MEN. Tace, inquam, 

MESS. Master, you don’t know these courtesans. MEN. Quiet, I say, 

445 mihi dolebit, non tibi, si quid ego stulte fecero. 

If I do anything foolish, I’ll pay for it, not you. 

446 mulier haec stulta atque inscita est; quantum perspexi modo, 

This woman’s silly and clueless—as far as I just noticed, 

447 est hic praeda nobis. MESS. Perii, iamne abis? periit probe: 

She’s booty for us. MESS. I’m done for—are you going already? He’s completely doomed: 

448 ducit lembam dierectum navis praedatoria. 

The pirate ship’s sending out its skiff for the kill. 

449 sed ego inscitus qui domino me postulem moderarier: 

But I’m a fool to think I can steer my master: 

450 dicto me emit audientem, haud imperatorem sibi. 

He bought me to listen, not to command. 

451 sequimini, ut, quod imperatum est, veniam advorsum temperi. 

Follow me, so I can meet him on time as he ordered.

ACT III 

III.i 

446 PENICVLVS. Plus triginta annis natus sum, quom interea loci, 

PENICULUS. I’m over thirty years old, and in all that time, 

447 numquam quicquam facinus feci peius neque scelestius, 

I’ve never done anything worse or more shameful 

448 quam hodie, quom in contionem mediam me immersi miser. 

Than today, when I, poor fool, plunged into the middle of a public meeting. 

449 ubi ego dum hieto, Menaechmus se subterduxit mihi 

While I was gaping there, Menaechmus slipped away from me 

450 atque abiit ad amicam, credo, neque me voluit ducere. 

And went to his mistress, I think, and didn’t want to take me along. 

451 qui illum di omnes perduint, qui primus commentust 

May all the gods destroy the man who first came up with 

452 contionem habere, qui homines occupatos occupat. 

Holding assemblies—just a way to keep busy people busier. 

453 non ad eam rem otiosos homines decuit deligi, 

Wouldn’t it be better to pick idle men for such things, 

454 qui nisi adsint quom citentur, census capiat ilico? 

Who should lose their citizen rights if they’re not there when summoned? 

455 adfatim est hominum, in dies qui singulas escas edint, 

There are plenty of men who live on one meal a day, 

456 quibus negoti nihil est, qui essum neque vocantur neque vocant: 

Who’ve got nothing to do, and neither invite nor are invited to meals. 

457 eos oportet contioni dare operam atque comitiis. 

They’re the ones who should go to meetings and elections. 

458 si id ita esset, non ego hodie perdidissem prandium, 

If it were so, I wouldn’t have missed my lunch today, 

459 quoi tam credo datum voluisse quam me video vivere. 

Which I believe was meant for me as surely as I see myself alive. 

460 ibo: etiamnum reliquiarum spes animum oblectat meum. 

I’ll go—hope of leftovers still cheers my soul. 

461 sed quid ego video? Menaechmus cum corona exit foras. 

But what’s this I see? Menaechmus comes out with a garland on. 

462 sublatum est convivium, edepol venio adversum temperi. 

The feast is over—by Pollux, I’m arriving just in time. 

463 observabo, quid agat, hominem. post adibo atque adloquar. 

I’ll watch what the man’s up to, then go and speak to him.

III.ii 

464 MENAECHMVS. Potine ut quiescas? ego tibi hanc hodie probe 

MENAECHMUS. Could you be quiet? Today I’ll bring this back to you properly, 

465 lepideque concinnatam referam temperi. 

Neatly and charmingly repaired, right on time. 

466 non faxo eam esse dices: ita ignorabitur. 

You won’t say it’s hers—I’ll have it so altered, it won’t be recognized. 

467 PEN. Pallam ad phrygionem fert confecto prandio 

PEN. He’s taking the cloak to the embroiderer after finishing lunch, 

468 vinoque expoto, parasito excluso foras. 

And the wine too—while the parasite’s been shut out. 

469 non hercle is sum qui sum, ni hanc iniuriam 

By Hercules, I’m not myself unless I avenge 

470 meque ultus pulchre fuero. observa quid dabo. 

This insult—and myself—in style. Watch what I do. 

471 MEN. Pro di immortales, quoi homini umquam uno die 

MEN. O immortal gods, has any man ever had in one day 

472 boni dedistis plus, qui minus speraverit? 

More good things than I, who hoped for so little?

473 prandi, potavi, scortum accubui, apstuli 

I had lunch, I drank, I lay with a courtesan, I carried off 

474 hanc, cuius heres numquam erit post hunc diem. 

This—whose heir he’ll never be after today. 

475 PEN. Nequeo quae loquitur exaudire clanculum; 

PEN. I can’t quite catch what he’s muttering secretly; 

476 satur nunc loquitur de me et de parti mea. 

He’s full now and talking about me and my share. 

477 MEN. Ait hanc dedisse me sibi, atque eam meae 

MEN. She claims I gave this to her and stole it from my 

478 uxori surrupuisse. quoniam sentio 

Wife. Now that I see 

479 errare, extemplo, quasi res cum ea esset mihi, 

She’s mistaken, I acted right away as if I really did it, 

480 coepi adsentari: mulier quidquid dixerat, 

And started agreeing: whatever the woman said, 

481 idem ego dicebam. quid multis verbis opust? 

I said the same. Why waste words? 

482 minore nusquam bene fui dispendio. 

Never have I done better for so little expense. 

483 PEN. Adibo ad hominem, nam turbare gestio. 

PEN. I’ll go up to the man—I’m itching to cause a scene. 

484 MEN. Quis hic est, qui adversus it mihi? PEN. Quid ais, homo 

MEN. Who’s this coming at me? PEN. What are you saying, you 

485 levior quam pluma, pessime et nequissime, 

Lighter than a feather, most wicked and worthless man, 

486 flagitium hominis, subdole ac minimi preti? 

A disgrace of a man, sly and good for nothing? 

487 quid de te merui, qua me causa perderes? 

What did I ever do to you, why would you ruin me? 

488 ut surrupuisti te mihi dudum de foro! 

You snuck away from me at the forum just now! 

489 fecisti funus med absente prandio. 

You buried the lunch while I was gone. 

490 cur ausu's facere, quoi ego aeque heres eram? 

Why did you dare do that, when I was just as much an heir? 

491 MEN. Adulescens, quaeso, quid tibi mecum est rei, 

MEN. Young man, please, what do you have to do with me, 

492 qui mihi male dicas homini ignoto insciens? 

That you abuse me—an unknown man—out of ignorance? 

493 an tibi malam rem vis pro male dictis dari? 

Or do you want trouble for your bad words? 

494 PEN. Pol eam quidem edepol te dedisse intellego. 

PEN. By Pollux, I certainly understand that you gave it to her. 

495 MEN. Responde, adulescens, quaeso, quid nomen tibist? 

MEN. Answer me, young man, what’s your name? 

496 PEN. Etiam derides, quasi nomen non noveris? 

PEN. Still mocking me, as if you don’t know my name? 

497 MEN. Non edepol ego te, quod sciam, umquam ante hunc diem 

MEN. By Pollux, I’ve never seen you before today, as far as I know, 

498 vidi neque novi; verum certo, quisquis es, 

Nor do I know you; but whoever you are, 

499 si aequom facias, mihi odiosus ne sies. 

If you’re fair, don’t be a nuisance to me. 

500 PEN. Menaechme, vigila. MEN. Vigilo hercle equidem, quod sciam. 

PEN. Menaechmus, wake up. MEN. By Hercules, I’m awake, far as I know. 

501 PEN. Non me novisti? MEN. Non negem, si noverim. 

PEN. You don’t know me? MEN. I wouldn’t deny it if I did. 

502 PEN. Tuom parasitum non novisti? MEN. Non tibi 

PEN. Don’t know your own parasite? MEN. You’re 

503 sanum est, adulescens, sinciput, intellego. 

Not right in the head, young man, clearly. 

504 PEN. Responde, surrupuistin uxori tuae 

PEN. Answer: did you steal your wife’s 

505 pallam istanc hodie atque dedisti Erotio? 

Cloak today and give it to Erotium? 

506 MEN. Neque hercle ego uxorem habeo neque ego Erotio 

MEN. By Hercules, I neither have a wife nor gave anything to Erotium 

507 dedi nec pallam surrupui. PEN. Satin sanus es? 

Nor did I steal a cloak. PEN. Are you quite sane? 

508 occisast haec res. non ego te indutum foras 

This matter is done for. Didn’t I see you going out wearing 

509 exire vidi pallam? MEN. Vae capiti tuo. 

That cloak? MEN. Woe to your head. 

510 omnis cinaedos esse censes, tu quia es? 

Do you think everyone’s a scoundrel just because you are? 

511 tun med indutum fuisse pallam praedicas? 

You claim I was wearing a cloak? 

512 PEN. Ego hercle vero. MEN. Non tu abis quo dignus es? 

PEN. By Hercules, I do. MEN. Why don’t you go where you belong? 

513 aut te piari iube, homo insanissime. 

Or have yourself purified, madman. 

514 PEN. Numquam edepol quisquam me exorabit, quin tuae 

PEN. No one will ever stop me, by Pollux, from telling your 

515 uxori rem omnem iam, uti sit gesta, eloquar; 

Wife the whole thing just as it happened; 

516 omnes in te istaec recident contumeliae: 

All those insults will fall back on you: 

517 faxo haud inultus prandium comederis. 

I’ll make sure you don’t eat lunch unpunished. 

518 MEN. Quid hoc est negoti? satine, ut quemque conspicor, 

MEN. What’s going on here? Is it just me, or does everyone I meet 

519 ita me ludificant? sed concrepuit ostium. 

Try to make a fool of me? But the door creaked.